Swells

“Can you hear it?” Daniela asked.

I tread as gently as I could. My head held above the surface. I heard nothing from the depth below. Only the sound of laughter further out.

“No,” I said. “Can’t hear it.”

I looked out towards where Theo and Camila swam. I wanted to think he had to drag her all the way out there with him. That it was all part of some elaborate scheme that I was capable of learning myself. But it wasn’t. She swam all the way out there on her own, laughing the entire way. She was smitten.

Preferring not to think about it, I turned back towards the shore. Olive coloured trees scattered over the golden-brown mountains. The slopes were steep and rippled. If they existed back home, people would be lining up for the gondola all winter.

And there it was again. The thought had crossed my mind. Home. Why did it keep coming up? Two weeks ago, I sat in my office flicking a pen waiting for five o’clock, desperate to get on the plane and start the South American adventure. Now that I was here, all I thought about was getting back into the routine.

I tried to bring myself back to the moment. The shore didn’t appear exactly as it did the last time I looked. The waves, crashing against the cliff edges were bigger. The recoil was a violent white.

Directly below me, I noticed the depth of blue had gotten deeper.

“There aren’t any sharks here, are there?” I asked Daniela, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

“No sharks,” she said, suppressing a smile.

She dove down. As she did, her legs rose above the surface before following. I admired the spectacle. I wondered if I swam out as far as Theo did, if Daniela would follow me as obediently as Camila did for him.

“There, I hear it,” Daniela said as her head popped back out. “Listen close. Tide is coming in now. It’s starting.”

I plunged my head beneath the surface. Again, I couldn’t hear anything. No big grinding noise like what had been advertised. Perhaps the details had gotten lost in translation.

As I emerged again, I saw Theo and Camila swimming towards us.

“Did you guys hear the sound?” I asked.

“No dude, nothing,” Theo answered. “Think these Colombian girls are lying to us. Just wanted an excuse to drag us out here.”

Both girls giggled. By this time, the four of us were all treading water no more than a few meters from each other. Camila’s breasts bobbed at the surface. Jealousy burned through me. Theo had seen them bare the night before. I didn’t get anywhere near that with Daniela.

“Wait,” Theo said. “I think I heard it just there.”

“What? I still don’t hear it.”

“Maybe you just need to go a little deeper, bro.”

Theo lunged forward and two muscular arms pushed me beneath the surface one more time. They held me there for a few seconds. His hands firmly, but not painfully gripped my shoulders as scattered schools of fish swam between my feet. I kicked at him on the way back up.

Not surprisingly, the girls laughed as I returned. I started to race through any number of comebacks or physical responses.

I came up with nothing.

Theo was my friend. Certainly not my best, but still a friend. He was also the only one willing to tag along when I had brought up the trip idea a few months ago. But the guy was just more dominant. He was higher up the ladder at the bank back home, he was bigger, better looking, he took more risks, he –.

GRRGGHH

The sound interrupted the thought. It was only faint, like distant thunder. But it was there. It came from the ocean floor below us. The water stirred and bubbled.

“Wow, what was that?” Theo asked.

“Cueva Bajo el Mar,” Camila answered.

“And what is that?”

“We show you.”

I stayed at the rear of the group as we swam back towards shore. The waves were even higher than they were minutes before. Water dripped down from the receding ledges all over.

We had to climb out. The narrow beach from which we entered had disappeared under the rising ocean. Water had soaked the bottom of my towel.

As I dried myself with the part that wasn’t wet, I looked out to the bay where we had just been swimming. The landscape was almost unrecognizable. Brown sand and rock had given way to turquoise blue. It was as if I were staring at a completely different place than where I had arrived.

GRRRGGGHHH

That deep sound came again. It came from below the spot where we had been treading. You could still make it out prominently from the shore.

“What exactly does Cueva Bajo el Mar mean?” I asked as we started along the same jungle path from which we came.

“Cave beneath the Sea,” Daniela said as she stepped off the path into the jungle thicket. “Careful. Watch for snakes and spiders.”

Her route curved away from the main path in the direction of the point. The jungle was like a sauna. Minutes after leaving the cool water, Theo and I were completely drenched with sweat. Our clothes stuck to our backs like an extra layer of skin.

I could hardly believe it when we got there. Just short of the tip of the point, a cave entrance opened into the ground.

You would have never seen it unless you knew exactly where to look. It was completely hidden from sight from the beach, the water, and I bet even from the mountaintops.

But when standing in front of it, the entrance seemed like a mirage. The opening was like a miniature trap door on a bed of rock. It led straight down. At the bottom, you could see that the cave continued downwards towards the sea. The trajectory looked like it was going to send you straight into the water.

It was so narrow that only one person could pass at a time. Sand covered the bottom landing. It slowly gave way to stones until the cave floor became completely rock further in.

However, the most remarkable thing was the view as you descended. I was the last to witness it. You faced the ocean as you went down. You were well above the water before you started. But, just as you disappeared underground, you could see it. Your eyes were on perfect level of the surface of the ocean.

Everything changed at the bottom. The walls and ceiling were moist. Water dripped down from above. The air was cold. It was nothing like the extreme heat on the surface.

As you ventured further in, it became clear. You weren’t just on par with the ocean down there. You were below it. The cave literally tunnelled under the ocean.

Instinctively, I reached for my phone. I was convinced that I would need the flashlight APP. But it didn’t take long for me to realize I was wrong. The main cavern was already lit. A natural, yellow light filled the area. It glistened off the dark, moist walls and ceiling.

I looked around, trying to see where the light was coming from. Theo did the same. I heard the waves of the ocean crashing above us. Salt water dripped down into my eyes as I searched.

I discovered the light’s source atop a slope at the far end of the cave. It was steep and the only wall that didn’t arc in a circular fashion above you. At the top, just below the highest point, there was a crack. Through this little break in the rock, a sliver of light shined through.

It must have been some kind of natural wonder. The crack was no more than half a meter wide. And somehow, someway, something behind it was shining into the darkness, illuminating the entire cave that rested beneath the ocean. I had never seen anything like it before.

GRRRGGGHHHH

It was so much louder than it was at the surface. It was less like thunder down there. It sounded more like grinding.

The cave walls seemed to shake as it echoed all around us. The light’s brightness faded. The sound’s source was unmistakable. It came from whatever lay behind that crack in the cave wall.

I started to worry about the cave’s stability. Somehow, I doubted the Colombian cave that burrowed beneath the ocean complied with any safety standards I would be comfortable with. I imagined the cave ceiling opening up and millions of gallons of water above crashing down on us. I felt like I was in a tomb.

GRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

It was deafening. The light above us faded slightly again. The girls and I stumbled back.

Not Theo though. He stared at the little crack in awe as he approached the slope below it. His mouth unhinged, hanging wide open. He resembled a child, marvelling at whatever phenomena lay before him. The idea would not leave his mind from that point forward. He was infatuated.

“You can’t climb,” Camila said. “Too dangerous. Nobody goes up there.”

Theo didn’t turn back. I imagine he didn’t even hear.

Back at the hostel in Santa Marta, Theo leaned back on his patio chair. The ashes dropped to the deck as he tapped his cigarette. The hot day was behind us, replaced by a mild evening with a cool wind coming off the ocean. The crack of light in the cave had lingered in our minds.

The party was in full swing around us. For different reasons, neither of us really cared to join. I took a swig of my beer and looked up at him. He spoke directly to me for the first time since we left the cave.

“I want to go back,” he said.

I knew that it was only a matter of time before he broached the subject. We had to plead with him to leave in the first place.

“Not fucking doing that, Theo.”

“I don’t care if you come with or not. I’m going back. I need to see what’s up there.”

“You don’t even know the way. Seriously, you think you can really navigate through the jungle on your own?”

“I won’t have to. I’ll get someone to show me.”

He snapped his fingers in the direction of the bar. It caught Camila’s attention. She smiled and dropped the glasses she was cleaning in the sink.

“Can I get you boys something?” she said as she approached.

“Sit down,” Theo responded as he gestured towards an empty chair.

She looked at us nervously before complying.

“Camila, can you take us– or– me back to that spot tomorrow?”

She shook her head no.

“C’mon now pretty girl… It’s the last day of my vacation. Let’s spend it out there together.”

“I know why you want to go. No climbing up. Dangerous for you.”

Theo chuckled and leaned forward. He placed a hand on her knee.

“I need to get there one way or another. Maybe if I ask Daniela?”

I gripped my seat the moment he said that. Through the crowd of travellers around the bar, I looked through to the reception desk. She leaned forward, smiled and chatted with a guy who must have just checked in. I’d be damned if I was going to let him or even worse, Theo, move in on her.

“C’mon Camila, don’t make me get up,” Theo said.

“She won’t show you.”

“Yeah, she will. I’ll make it worth her whi–“

“Don’t worry about it,” I said interrupting him. I stood up and pushed the seat back. “I’ll take care of the directions. Let’s see what the fuck is up there.”

Theo lifted his hand from Camila’s leg up onto his glass. He raised it in my direction and looked at me in a way he never had before. The faintest grin came to his face.

“Well, how bout that.”

I ran my glass against his and downed the rest of my beer. I forced myself in the direction of the reception desk, pondering exactly what it was I was about to get myself into.

It all happened so fast. Morning came before I was ready. I took the facade further than I meant to. As the little boat motor started, I still couldn’t believe it was real.

I had scribbled the directions Daniela had given to me on a little paper map. She was resistant to give them up. Pressuring them out of her had also ruined any shot I had at any extra-curricular activity. I couldn’t rationalize to myself how it was worth it.

Before starting our trek, I reconsidered the voyage through the jungle. The chance of us getting lost was too high. And I knew that Theo would try and go regardless. I had to find an alternative.

Part of me was amazed. How in the hell I had managed to give directions to the local fisherman in part broken-Spanish, part simplified-English was beyond me.

By the water, it was more direct. Seven bays east. How hard could that be?

The real question now, was who was I trying to impress? The girls were back at the hostel, living their lives, probably transitioning to their next flings with new white boys travelling through?

Was I trying to prove that I wasn’t a pussy to Theo? Was I trying to prove it to myself?

I squinted against the sun as we cut into the oncoming waves. Santa Marta started to disappear in the distance behind us. I sat in the back next to the fisherman who had one hand on the motor. My finger grazed along the map, trying to keep track of where we were.

Theo knelt down at the bow, peering onto the ocean in front of us. As if he was the captain, the one in charge of the entire voyage. In his mind, he knew what he was getting himself into. He wasn’t afraid of anything.

We continued to pass the bays on our right. Each one disappeared on the horizon more quickly than the last. I felt the slightest bit of nausea as we passed the sixth bay and turned into the seventh. It was instant recognition. Just like the day before, the tide was coming in strong, eating away at the shore.

The boat scraped against sand and rock as we reached the shallows. I noticed the fisherman carefully surveying the surroundings.

Theo hopped out. Knee high in the water, he trudged towards the shore. I picked up my bag and meant to do the same. Before I could, the fisherman grabbed me by the shoulder.

“Cave,” he said.

I nodded.

“No go. Dangerous.”

I hesitated only for a moment. When I looked back at the Theo, he was already out of the water. He held his arms out wide, wondering what the holdup was.

“Come back. Four hours,” I said holding four fingers up to the fisherman.

GRRRGGGHHH

The thunder sounded just as I hit the water. I braced myself and started towards the shore.

The way to the cave entrance was easy enough to find. The bushes and shrubs we had trampled on the way the day before left enough of a trail for us to follow. I felt like a sweating puppet the entire way there. Like it wasn’t me, but Theo, who had control over where I was going.

The cave opening stared back at us. It was inviting, if for nothing else than for the cool air that I knew was down there. Aside from that, I resented it in every way.

“Did you dream about it?” Theo asked as he took his first steps down. “The light. It’s all I could see last night.”

He disappeared into the darkness and below the ocean. For a few moments, I stood at ground level alone. I had already come so far. I couldn’t see the use in turning back then.

GRRRGGGGGGHHHHH

The grinding felt like a twisted welcome call. I began my descent.

Just like the day before, the catacomb was fully lit. Light beamed through the crack, making the cavern beneath depths completely visible. It looked just like the day before. Perhaps a little dimmer.

What in the hell was up there?

Theo already stood at the base of the slope. He looked up at that little crack of light. His hands shook with excitement at his sides.

“You’re actually going to do it, aren’t you?” I said as I stopped next to him.

Theo nodded in acknowledgement. He reached for a ledge just above his head. His hands slipped on the dripping rock. He tried again and got his grip. He hoisted himself up.

“Please don’t,” I pleaded as his feet planted just above me. “Don’t do it, Theo, it’s just not worth it.”

GRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

As always, it grinded louder than before. Theo turned away from the diminishing light briefly.

“Coming?”

“No.”

Promptly, I jogged back towards the cave entrance. I hoped so much that he would follow. Whether it be out of sympathy, confusion or pity, I didn’t care.

But, he didn’t. When I turned around, he was already a third of the way up the slope. Like a four-legged spider, he climbed with surprising ease and finesse. He was undeterred by the dripping water and the growing space between him and the cave floor.

GRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

The cave walls shook again. More seawater dripped down. The yellow light that acted as a barrier to whatever the sound came from, dimmed. The whole place was just different.

It was then that I felt the change as well. The envy towards the better man now on the final stretch of his climb lessened. In its place came a deep, burning desire. I longed to prove myself to myself. Not out of social obligation to be a bigger man, but a genuine ambition to discover on my own exactly what the hell was up there.

There would be no excuses this time. No jumping through mental hurdles to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault nor a big deal.

I marched back towards the base of the slope. I looked up at the yellow, shining light and saw it anew. No longer was it something to be feared or avoided. Now it was only a warm invitation. I thought I understood exactly what it was Theo had been seeing all along.

GRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

As I reached for the same ledge where Theo had started, the light vanished. In the blackness, I looked up and saw that he was now squeezing his body through the crack, blocking the caves access to the light.

It quickly returned as his bottom leg pulled through and disappeared. He made no sound when he reached the top. No shriek of brilliance or discovery.

The cave fell nearly silent. I heard only the faint sound of crashing waves above and salt water dripping down. I pulled myself up to the next ledge.

My hands and feet moved on their own. They found the little holds and crannies in the rock wall themselves. My mind wasn’t there. It was lost in the brilliance of the light.

What the fuck could possibly be up there? Why did I let Theo get there first?

My foot slipped. Momentarily, my entire body was suspended under only the strength of my arms. In a less fortunate position, I would have fallen. But there were no thoughts of climbing down. There was no second-guessing the decision.

My fingers ached as I passed the halfway mark of the slope. My body, drenched in water, shivered in the cold cave air.

How did I not sleep with Daniela? The opportunity was there. If it had been Theo, he would have done it on the first night. He would have done it without any effort and moved on. He wouldn’t have waited around evening after evening too fucking scared to make a move.

GRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

My ears rang after the impact of the grinding sound passed through. The cave shook again and the feeling of nausea invaded my stomach. Yet still, there was no concern. Climbing back down was not an option.

I’m not going home. I’m not going back to the same goddamn cubicle. Fuck getting up every day at 6 AM to catch the train. Fuck staying late and–

GRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

I was almost at the top. My arms and legs wanted to quit and let me fall. I was so close to that light that was getting dimmer all time. Just a few more meters.

“Help.”

Theo’s voice was weak, desperate. It didn’t sound far off from behind the crack I was about to pull myself through.

I reached the opening. It looked smaller so close up. I started to wriggle my body through. The wet rock scratched and cut exposed parts of my skin as I did. I went into the light. The cave behind me fell into darkness.

I scraped my way through until my body became free from the narrow clutches of the rock. On the other side, I slipped down into another cavern. This was one was miniature in comparison to the main one had just been in. It was barely big enough for me to kneel down.

The source of the light then revealed itself. It was nothing more than natural sunlight. It poured through a small opening led out to another part of the shore. It was at the end of a tiny tunnel leading from the little cavern I was in now.

It looked like you could make it through. You could make it back to the surface and complete the circuit of the cave.

That’s what I imagine the one obstruction between the light and I tried to do. Theo was wedged in the little space between me and the way out. Little rays of sunshine poured through the spaces his body did not occupy.

GRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

My hands shot to my ears in a desperate attempt to protect them. The grinding sound was just in front of me. Everything became clear. It was exactly what Theo had been chasing all this time.

There was no celestial being or incredible natural phenomena. It wasn’t something that couldn’t be comprehended through human perception. It was merely one giant boulder. It was the one part of the cave that was detached from the rest. It acted as the ceiling, the only piece of material separating the little tunnel from the crashing waves above.

The grinding sounded as the increasing movement of the ocean pushed it down, scraping it against the other parts of the tunnel.

It lowered no more than a centimeter, pushing down on Theo’s body against the rock floor of which he lay. A slow agonizing whimper escaped his lips as it did. A little more light disappeared from behind him.

“Help,” he said again, turning his head in my direction. He had barely enough space to make the manoeuvre. His eyes glared at me. They were bulging, desperate.

I crawled forward and grabbed at his nearest arm. I pulled gently at first and he did not budge. I tried again, harder. But the achieved result was the same.

I could hear the swells of the ocean crashing bigger waves against the shore above. We couldn’t have been more than a few meters below the sea at that part of the cave.

GRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

The rock ceiling lowered another centimeter. You could hear cracks in Theo’s body as he was pressed harder against the tunnel floor. His face was squished in place, permanently staring in my direction.

Ocean water started to not just drip from above, but pour into the little cavern. Water started to pool around my feet. My time available to spend there was dissipating.

Theo heaved. Moisture from his breath rose as he tried to blow the ocean water away from pooling around his mouth. He said nothing. He looked at me as if he expected me to find some kind of solution. Something we both knew full well did not exist.

GRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

His ribs collapsed. Bones snapped at all different parts of his body. He made no sound as the side of his skull started to depress. The water level rose again.

Still, he was there, conscious. Still, he stared back as the water reached his lower eye.

The truth is that Theo didn’t drown to death. He wasn’t so fortunate. No, Theo was simply crushed by the boulder that pinned him there. As the waves pushed harder and higher against the shore and the weight of the water above increased, the rock above just kept pushing down.

One slow grind at a time.

As I backed away through the little crack where we both climbed in, we both knew full well that he was going to die. And it was the worst feeling that he or anyone else could have ever imagined. It was nothing more than natural human curiosity that had driven us there. There was no external factor to pin the blame.

It was an impossible pill to swallow. I know because Theo told me. It was the last thing he said before the boulder was pressed down flat against the tunnel floor.